Dear diary...

Wow you don’t even care. I still don’t know why WHY would you keep hurting me. You say...

Thu, 23 Aug 2012 03:01:52 -0300

Wow you don’t even care.

I still don’t know why WHY would you keep hurting me.

You say you fucking miss me, you say I make you wanna cry but you don’t even answer my texts.

Im an idiot.

"Yes. A language that will at last say what we have to say. For our words no longer correspond to the..."

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 01:59:10 -0300

““Yes. A language that will at last say what we have to say. For our words no longer correspond to the world. When things were whole, we felt confident that our words could express them. But little by little these things have broken apart, shattered, collapsed into chaos. And yet our words have remained the same. Hence, every time we try to speak of what we see, we speak falsely, distorting the very thing we are trying to represent. […] Consider a word that refers to a thing- “ umbrella”, for example. […] Not only is an umbrella a thing, it is a thing that performs a function. […] What happens when a thing no longer performs its function? […] the umbrella ceases to be an umbrella. It has changed into something else. The word, however, has remained the same. Therefore it can no longer express the thing.””

- Paul Auster, The New York Trilogy. (via theyrerealandspectacular)

I haven’t got my period in like 3 months because I was stressed. Remember how I said I was...

Sun, 05 Aug 2012 19:28:32 -0300

I haven’t got my period in like 3 months because I was stressed.

Remember how I said I was ok?

Well, I am. I got my period today.

I am ok.

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Fri, 03 Aug 2012 23:20:51 -0300

Friday - August 3rd 2012

Fri, 03 Aug 2012 20:13:57 -0300

I’m doing fine.

I actually am. I mean, I’M NOT GREAT but I’m fine.

I don’t want a relationship soon. I don’t want him back. I don’t pity myself anymore. So that’s fine. I see couples and I hate them tho. Haahahaha and I do miss him.

But I don’t know. I pity him more than anything.

He’s 27, he doesn’t believe in relationships, he doesn’t believe in being a father, he takes this as a burden. He can’t see that there’s a lot to win. A lot to enjoy. He misses me like hell. He goes to bed thinking of me, he textes me all day. And he’s adorable. But he likes being alone. And I bet he does now. But I’m sorry, but I can’t believe that when he’s 50 years old, he will be happy alone. He’ll sat alone at his house, watching tv and he’ll be alone. I don’t think he’ll be happy. And that kinda kills me.

But well, I’m thinking of me now. I’m ok. I really do miss having a boyfriend. But I need to learn to be with myself. I’m pretty cool to hang around.

So, for now, I’m trying to be happy.

theyrerealandspectacular: Whenever I’m bored, I miss you. Right now I’m bored. I’m really jealous,...

Sat, 28 Jul 2012 18:29:31 -0300

theyrerealandspectacular:

Whenever I’m bored, I miss you.

Right now I’m bored.

I’m really jealous, you got home at 10 am in the morning, and I feel like you don’t care. I know you don’t care. And that kills me.

The worst part is, you do care. In your own twisted way. You do miss me. You just don’t want the whole responsability that comes with a relationship.

Fuck it. Fuck you too. I’m great. So I know it’s your loss. But I can’t help to miss you. To sleep in your bed. And your hugs.

But again. Fuck you.

I’m awesome.

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Wed, 25 Jul 2012 00:52:44 -0300

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Fri, 20 Jul 2012 02:46:09 -0300

lovequotesrus: EVERYTHING LOVE..

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 02:46:07 -0300

lovequotesrus:

EVERYTHING LOVE..

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Fri, 20 Jul 2012 02:46:05 -0300

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Fri, 20 Jul 2012 02:46:03 -0300

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Fri, 20 Jul 2012 02:06:21 -0300

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Fri, 20 Jul 2012 02:05:47 -0300

Wednesday - July 20th 2012

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 02:00:03 -0300

Dear diary,

Today I’m not completely sad. I am sad, but not entirely. I miss him like hell. We’re still speaking to each other and I still don’t know if that’s ok with me or not. I guess it is. As long as he doesn’t say anything like “I miss you” “I love you” “let’s go out”. He does though. He does that a lot.

He believes that we can be together like we were, like, me sleeping at his place, having dinner with his family, going out, going on trips together, without having a relationship. Which means he doesn’t want the responsibility of a relationship. He doesn’t want to have to tell me where he is, or he wants to have the option to be with another girls or do whatever the fuck he wants. He always says he doesn’t care for relationships, he cares about people. That he accepted being my boyfriend because that’s what I wanted, what I required to be with him. But he’s tired of that, so he just want the cool stuff about a relationship, without having to put up with the shit.

It kills me.

We’re so good together. I mean, we’re actually not. We have absolutely nothing in common. I want to get married when I grow up. Have kids. Have a career. He doesn’t care about graduating of anything. He doesn’t believe in marriage. And he even wants to get a vasectomy for Christ’s sake. He’s 27. I knew from the very beginning this would’ve happen. But I don’t know, a little part of me wanted to make him realize that growing up and having a family was a good thing. And that I was perfect for him. Because, FUCK IT, I am.

Except for my body (which he loves, anyway) I know that I’m a perfect girlfriend. I just am. I’m funny, I’m sweet, I get along with mothers in love, I let him play video games while I read or do something else. Okay, I’m jealous, but I trust blindly. I don’t get mad over punctuality. I let all my boyfriends go out with friends rather with me.

But apparently, I’m not fucking enough. Ok, it’s ok I guess. I’m trying to move on. Today I’m much better. I’m not crying. I’m just sad. I feel numb. I feel empty. That’s the feeling. Emptiness.

I know it will get better and that this was the correct thing to do, and not going out with him is the smart option. But in the mind time. I feel like shit.

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Wed, 18 Jul 2012 14:24:31 -0300

Tuesday - July 17th 2012.

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 01:48:53 -0300

Dear diary,

Remember how I told you all that I thought I deserve? Well, my boyfriend dumped me. It feels surreal. It feels like it happened to somebody else and that we’re still together. That I’m going to see him again and everything will be fine. And I will kiss me, and he will kiss me, and we’ll be fine and perhaps watch Doctor who.

And I know that won’t happen again. Not with him at least. And that kills me.

And I’m cold, I’m really really cold. And He was always so warm, I just hugged him and I was ok.

I know it would’ve happen eventually, but why? I can’t. I was ok, today was actually a nice day. Everyone was spoiling me and I WAS OK. Well, I’m not ok. I’m not. I can’t stop crying. I fucking hate everything.

I miss you.

Yesterday morning we were together, we were happy, he made me launch while i was in bed, he made me...

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 21:08:05 -0300

Yesterday morning we were together, we were happy, he made me launch while i was in bed, he made me breakfast in bed, we had a nap, we went to the movies.

Today we’re not together anymore.

I can’t handle this.

Saturday, July 15th of 2012

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 03:23:00 -0300

Dear diary:

I feel like I deserve a guy who won’t leave me

a guy who doesn’t need to look at other girls asses

a guy who wants to be with me constantly

a guy who would suffer if I leave him

a guy who would suffer if I cheated on him

a guy who would have sex with me anytime, any day

I had that guy, and let him go, he was not the one. Nor the one i’m dating now, and yet I can’t manage to leave him. I can’t bare the idea of leaving him and he wouldn’t even be sad about it.

I can’t handle the fact that he looks at other girls asses.

I can’t handle the fact that we rarely have sex.

I can’t handle the fact that he’s disguted by saliva and that’s why we rarely make out.

I can’t handle the fact that I can’t be alone.

And I fucking hate me for it.

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Wed, 11 Jul 2012 19:30:39 -0300

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Wed, 11 Jul 2012 18:26:32 -0300